What The Hell Is Asexuality Anyway?

Between Miley Cyrus and Kaitlyn Jenner it has never been a better time to be open about your sexuality. But what if you aren’t sexually attracted to other people at all? What if you can only have sex with an emotional connection or are completely turned off the idea altogether? Well you may just be asexual.


So what is is?
According to the professionals, specifically sex therapist and relationship expert Desiree Spieling, asexuality is “a lack of sexual attraction to anyone, or low or absent interest in sexual activity.” So while homosexuals are sexually attracted to the same sex, heterosexuals to the opposite and bisexuals to both, asexuals aren’t attracted to anyone.

Basically it’s like everyone is fighting over which flavour of ice cream is best while asexuals are standing there shaking their heads and wondering what the big deal is.

Can you imagine how awkward that would be!

Jen Grey, does, “I have a couple of friends that are really open about their relationships to the point where they’re talking about various positions” she says. “And not only can I not join in, but I’ve got no interest in it and it just gets awkward.”

Jen Grey, does, “I have a couple of friends that are really open about their relationships to the point where they’re talking about various positions” she says. “And not only can I not join in, but I’ve got no interest in it and it just gets awkward.”


So asexuals don’t have sex then?
Not necessarily, there are also demi-sexuals who only experience sexual attraction if they feel an emotional connection to someone. Or grey-asexuals, who might experience sexual attraction only rarely, or sit somewhere in between asexual and sexual.

And even asexuals may be in a relationship where both parties compromise.

But with all things it is important to remember that asexuality, and demi-sexuality, are just labels and it is really just more of a scale where you may fall anywhere depending on your level of sexual attraction to others, your sex drive or your interest in sexy times.

Why don’t I know about it?
You’ve probably been sucked down a Facebook wormhole and have completely missed the tiny asexual subculture. Asexuals currently make up approximately 1% of the population (although this is just research and the number is probably higher than this) so it can be a very easy thing to do.

Aside from that there is still a huge stigma behind the term that keeps asexuals quiet on the issue. A lot of people, Jen included, are told that it is just a phase they are going through, that their desires will kick in later or that it is a trauma that can be fixed.

So what’s the problem?
I think we all know how terrible it would be to be called cold, emotionless, frigid or prudish just because you don’t like ice cream (even though we all know how delicious it can be). But that’s not even the worst part guys!

Mindy, a 28 year old asexual from Sydney, has described how aces (learning new lingo here) are often alienated from friends and family and seen as weird because sex is ‘what makes us human’.

That’s terrible! So how can we fix it?
With all things learning more about the issue and changing your perception on what is normal can help gain recognition and stop the stereotypes. As Desiree explains: “…when it comes to asexuality and trying to ‘fix’ it, this is ridiculous. It is an IDENTITY not a DISORDER!! These are very different.”

So am I asexual?
If you are feeling a low libido this isn’t necessarily asexuality, it could be a myriad of this, including a hormone imbalance.

But not being sexually attracted to anyone is a completely different story all together. And if you are constantly stumped when friends ask who your crushing on then you may just be asexual and there is nothing wrong with that!

As Mindy claims, “Everyone’s always so worried that they’re not normal that they forget that human beings are incredibly diverse.”

For more information on the issue visit http://asexualawarenessweek.com/

Published at http://www.buzzfeed.com/coraleekelly/what-the-hell-is-asexuality-anyway-1mdcb 

Posted November 17, 2015 by Coralee Kelly in category "Published", "Uncategorized", "Writing


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